It's been a strange week.
Before I went to the beach, my dog Jack developed this very large "thing" on the side of his "private part". It happened practically overnight. We take the dogs swimming, and most of the time it's in waters that are stagnant, so when we get home, they get hosed off in the backyard. Well, I was hosing off Jack, and scrubbing his belly, and thought he'd gotten a burr attached "down there". I said, "Todd, can you get that burr off of Jack's wee-wee while I rinse off the other dogs." Todd takes a look at it and says, "It's not a burr." Now, since this thing is HUGE, and hard and nasty looking, and basically developed over the course of 2 days, you can bet he went to the vet the next day. The vet tech looks at it and says they see them all the time, and that it is a sac filled with a bug larvae. Now I'm really getting grossed out. Especially since I had squeezed on it the night before. Then the vet comes in and says, no it's a tumor, and it needs to be removed and checked to make sure it's not cancer. Cancer? Jack's 2 years old. And on his wee-wee?
Well, I put off having it cut off, because we're going to the beach and he can't get stitches wet. But last week, off it comes. I get the male vet to cut it off since I think he might be a little more sensitive to that area. In the meantime, while we wait for the lab to determine what it is, there's no more swimming in stagnant waters. But we learn something interesting about Turnip, the Green Bean diet dog. Todd's out back, watering the plants, and Turnip is pitching a fit. She's chasing the water hose all over the place. Todd sprays her with the hose and she goes crazy. I mean crazy. This little tiny dog wants the water hose sprayed at her full force in the face, and she can't get enough of it. She biting at the water, and coughing and hacking, and getting soaking wet. And gets upset when he stops. Every day, when Todd comes over, she runs to the backyard and waits by the hose! I finally bought her a little wading pool, and she jumps in there and attacks the hose. So now Turnip, poor little obese dog that she is, has lost over 2 pounds in 2 weeks, from eating green beans and doing her water aerobics. I guess whoever adopts her will have to have a garden hose.
And then the other weird thing happens. My window air conditioner unit breaks. Of course, that's not the weird part. The weird part is that Todd goes to buy a new one, and while he's putting it in - my 2nd floor bedroom window - it falls out. A $250 air conditioner. So he buys another one. I don't know this is happening because I'm at work. Then Todd puts the second one in and IT falls out the 2nd floor window. At this point, I call and say, "hey, how's the AC installation going." You can tell right away from his voice that things aren't good. He says, "I've dropped 2 AC's out the window." I say, "you dropped 2!" Yep. I'm thinking, OMG, he just bought 2 window units and I still don't have air conditioning. What are the odds of dropping 2 of them out a window? So when I get home, I say, we gotta go back and buy a 3rd one, and he says fine, but we have to go to a different Lowe's, because I'm not going to the same Lowe's and buying a 3rd one there. Well, it takes us 2 days to build up enough of a support on the side of the house so that the 3rd one doesn't fall out. What's up with these new window units?
And then I get the good news. Jack doesn't have cancer. He just has genital warts. And they're contagious, so he could've spread them to the other dogs. What in the world has Jack been up to I'm wondering. But I'm glad he doesn't have cancer.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
The Case of the Barking Dog
Ok, I think I'm losing my mind. I'm starting to hear barking dogs where there are none. In my line of work, we call these auditory hallucinations. If you somehow ended up meeting me professionally (and that would be because you'd been admitted to a psych ward), we would be giving you heavy doses of anti-psychotics. Because hearing things isn't normal.
Which is why I'm getting to be a little worried. You see, it all started out with my darn neighbor. She makes flutes. And for some reason she thinks that the only place in her house to make a flute is on her porch. Which happens to be about 100 yards away from my backyard. And for some reason, my dog doesn't care for the flute making process and spent quite a bit of time barking at her. So I spent $1500 putting up a beautiful 6 ft wood fence so the dog couldn't see the flute maker.
This actually works most of the time. But dogs being dogs, like to protect their home, and when the neighbor is out in the garden, the dog likes to bark at her. Well, as you can imagine, that got me a few more notes about my barking dog being a nuisance. I wasn't sure how to solve this, since how do you keep a dog from barking at someone through a window? The one time animal control was called on me, he said my dogs were being perfectly quiet when he got there. And that's what I always find when I come home. Perfectly quiet dogs. So this, I think is the beginning of my insanity.
Fast forward a year, and animal control is back at my house, but this time it's to put a dog under quarantine because I've been bit. They find out I have too many animals. Did you know that 3 cats and 5 dogs is too many? (2 of the dogs are foster dogs, but apparently that doesn't count). So I have to apply for a "permit." But while they're there, a friendly neighbor runs out and tells animal control that my dogs bark "all day and all night." Animal control tells me it looks unlikely I'll get a permit if that's true, and 2 dogs are gonna have to go. So I spend days talking to various neighbors, trying to make peace and see what I can do to make things right. Because there's no way my dogs are barking all night. I wouldn't be sleeping if that were true. And every single neighbor I talk to tell me my dogs don't bark and don't bother them. Even the flute maker. And everyone of them say they will testify this to animal control.
So 10 days later, when animal control shows back up to see that neither I nor the dog who bit me has developed rabies, they tell me that they were not able to substantiate the barking dog issue. I can get my "permit." Seems they talked to my neighbors and they said my dogs were just fine. But since I have just spent 10 days hypervigilant about every single little bark, I'm pretty wired for sound. I can relax now. I have my permit in hand and a letter from animal control saying my dogs don't bark. But you know what? For the last 2 nights, when all of the dogs were sleeping in my bedroom, I swore I heard a dog bark downstairs.
Now I'm really losing it.
Which is why I'm getting to be a little worried. You see, it all started out with my darn neighbor. She makes flutes. And for some reason she thinks that the only place in her house to make a flute is on her porch. Which happens to be about 100 yards away from my backyard. And for some reason, my dog doesn't care for the flute making process and spent quite a bit of time barking at her. So I spent $1500 putting up a beautiful 6 ft wood fence so the dog couldn't see the flute maker.
This actually works most of the time. But dogs being dogs, like to protect their home, and when the neighbor is out in the garden, the dog likes to bark at her. Well, as you can imagine, that got me a few more notes about my barking dog being a nuisance. I wasn't sure how to solve this, since how do you keep a dog from barking at someone through a window? The one time animal control was called on me, he said my dogs were being perfectly quiet when he got there. And that's what I always find when I come home. Perfectly quiet dogs. So this, I think is the beginning of my insanity.
Fast forward a year, and animal control is back at my house, but this time it's to put a dog under quarantine because I've been bit. They find out I have too many animals. Did you know that 3 cats and 5 dogs is too many? (2 of the dogs are foster dogs, but apparently that doesn't count). So I have to apply for a "permit." But while they're there, a friendly neighbor runs out and tells animal control that my dogs bark "all day and all night." Animal control tells me it looks unlikely I'll get a permit if that's true, and 2 dogs are gonna have to go. So I spend days talking to various neighbors, trying to make peace and see what I can do to make things right. Because there's no way my dogs are barking all night. I wouldn't be sleeping if that were true. And every single neighbor I talk to tell me my dogs don't bark and don't bother them. Even the flute maker. And everyone of them say they will testify this to animal control.
So 10 days later, when animal control shows back up to see that neither I nor the dog who bit me has developed rabies, they tell me that they were not able to substantiate the barking dog issue. I can get my "permit." Seems they talked to my neighbors and they said my dogs were just fine. But since I have just spent 10 days hypervigilant about every single little bark, I'm pretty wired for sound. I can relax now. I have my permit in hand and a letter from animal control saying my dogs don't bark. But you know what? For the last 2 nights, when all of the dogs were sleeping in my bedroom, I swore I heard a dog bark downstairs.
Now I'm really losing it.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Green Bean Diet and a Dog Named Turnup
Her name is Turnup, because she "turned up" at someone's house, many years ago, and they decided to let her stay. But I think her name should be Turnip, because that's what she looks like. Short and really, really round. And I mean round. She was given to me as a foster dog because I'm good at getting dogs to lose weight. I don't seem to be very good at getting myself to lose weight, but boy am I good at it with dogs.
It all started with Boomer, a beagle with a heart of gold, but that heart of his wasn't going to make it many more years if he didn't drop 15 pounds. Which I'm proud to say he did. Poor thing got turned in to us at our dog rescue 'cause his family's house went into foreclosure. My only guess is that if they were suffering financially, they must've stopped buying dogfood at some point, and started feeding him table scraps. HE WAS ROUND. When he first moved in with me, he could barely climb the stairs. He couldn't jump up on the sofa, much less the bed. And when we went to the dog park, he gave me a look that said, "are you crazy? You think I can run?"
But fortunately for Boomer, he liked green beans, and that's the best thing there is for rotund pooches, no pun intended. So he went on the famous green bean diet, and the pounds started to drop. It was so successful, I told Todd that maybe we should both start eating the green bean diet. And you know what? Boomer started bounding up the stairs in my house. He was able to jump on the sofa. And one day, he picked up a ball at the dog park, and brought it to me. And when I threw it, and he ran and fetched it, and brought it back to me, and ran again, I almost fell over. Boomer was ready.
Boomer found a loving family who takes him on walks all of the time and spoil him rotten. Just not with treats. So when a man called our dog rescue and said his momma had Dementia, and could we help with her dog, we said yes. And when we saw Turnup, we knew what had happened. Momma wasn't remembering she'd already fed Turnup, so she fed her again. And again. And again. And Turnup, being the gracious dog she is, wasn't going to "turn-up" her nose at any food given to her. So once again we've got the rotund pooch problem. Now it's back to the store to stock up on the green beans.
It all started with Boomer, a beagle with a heart of gold, but that heart of his wasn't going to make it many more years if he didn't drop 15 pounds. Which I'm proud to say he did. Poor thing got turned in to us at our dog rescue 'cause his family's house went into foreclosure. My only guess is that if they were suffering financially, they must've stopped buying dogfood at some point, and started feeding him table scraps. HE WAS ROUND. When he first moved in with me, he could barely climb the stairs. He couldn't jump up on the sofa, much less the bed. And when we went to the dog park, he gave me a look that said, "are you crazy? You think I can run?"
But fortunately for Boomer, he liked green beans, and that's the best thing there is for rotund pooches, no pun intended. So he went on the famous green bean diet, and the pounds started to drop. It was so successful, I told Todd that maybe we should both start eating the green bean diet. And you know what? Boomer started bounding up the stairs in my house. He was able to jump on the sofa. And one day, he picked up a ball at the dog park, and brought it to me. And when I threw it, and he ran and fetched it, and brought it back to me, and ran again, I almost fell over. Boomer was ready.
Boomer found a loving family who takes him on walks all of the time and spoil him rotten. Just not with treats. So when a man called our dog rescue and said his momma had Dementia, and could we help with her dog, we said yes. And when we saw Turnup, we knew what had happened. Momma wasn't remembering she'd already fed Turnup, so she fed her again. And again. And again. And Turnup, being the gracious dog she is, wasn't going to "turn-up" her nose at any food given to her. So once again we've got the rotund pooch problem. Now it's back to the store to stock up on the green beans.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Hitting the Road, and why does it take so dang long to go on vacation
So I'm dropping my foster dogs off to boarding (so I can go on vacation), and the poor gal at the counter is really confused. "One is staying here at the boarding facility and one is going back home with you when you get back from the beach?" Yep. She chases cats, and in my house, that just doesn't cut the mustard. "Ok, so which is which?" Which is a pretty decent question, since both dogs are black with white patches on their chests and white paws.
And this is only the start of a never ending list of chores to do before I go on vacation, which I actually thought started on Friday afternoon, last week, when I left work for 10 days. But boy, there's a lot to do to go on vacation. Especially if you're taking your own dogs with you. You've got to:
* clean your house so the petsitter you've hired for the cats doesn't think you're a slob
* clean your car so you can stand driving in it
* buy beach appropriate clothes including a cute new bathing suit for the boyfriend
* run all around town trying to find the exact Schick shaver for your bikini area that was mentioned in Glamour magazine. But no one seems to carry it, not even Walgreens or CVS
* after all that driving, remember you don't need to shave your bikini area because your swimsuit has a skirt and no one's gonna see the bikini area
* buy sunscreen, buy a shaver for your legs, get all of your prescriptions filled
* shave your legs
* go pick up the prescriptions
* buy some magic hair product so your hair doesn't frizz
* make sure there's enough dog food to last while your gone
* mail all those letters and bills you've been meaning to send
* type up something for the petsitter and try not to sound too anal retentive
* write out your last will and testament in case you get killed driving to the beach (just kidding!)
* decide you really do need to clean up the junky office because the petsitter is going to think you're a slob
* OMG, decide you are anal retentive
God, it took me 3 days to get ready to drive 4 1/2 hours away from home to try to relax at the beach. I'm going to be exhausted when I get there. But at least I'll have a cute bathing suit, shaved legs, happy dogs running through the surf , and a petsetter who'll be enjoying my really clean house.
And this is only the start of a never ending list of chores to do before I go on vacation, which I actually thought started on Friday afternoon, last week, when I left work for 10 days. But boy, there's a lot to do to go on vacation. Especially if you're taking your own dogs with you. You've got to:
* clean your house so the petsitter you've hired for the cats doesn't think you're a slob
* clean your car so you can stand driving in it
* buy beach appropriate clothes including a cute new bathing suit for the boyfriend
* run all around town trying to find the exact Schick shaver for your bikini area that was mentioned in Glamour magazine. But no one seems to carry it, not even Walgreens or CVS
* after all that driving, remember you don't need to shave your bikini area because your swimsuit has a skirt and no one's gonna see the bikini area
* buy sunscreen, buy a shaver for your legs, get all of your prescriptions filled
* shave your legs
* go pick up the prescriptions
* buy some magic hair product so your hair doesn't frizz
* make sure there's enough dog food to last while your gone
* mail all those letters and bills you've been meaning to send
* type up something for the petsitter and try not to sound too anal retentive
* write out your last will and testament in case you get killed driving to the beach (just kidding!)
* decide you really do need to clean up the junky office because the petsitter is going to think you're a slob
* OMG, decide you are anal retentive
God, it took me 3 days to get ready to drive 4 1/2 hours away from home to try to relax at the beach. I'm going to be exhausted when I get there. But at least I'll have a cute bathing suit, shaved legs, happy dogs running through the surf , and a petsetter who'll be enjoying my really clean house.
Monday, June 22, 2009
North Carolina Oysters, or as we used to say in Louisiana, Suck the Head and Eat the Tail
Well, I've probably seen it all now. My friend Leslie and I really like this restaurant in downtown Asheville called Limones. They serve old time country Mexican food, and just about the best scallops in town. There's a waiter there who knows us by name, and is always suggesting new restaurants around town that we should try, and what we should order at the new place. Recently he suggested a place and their "Sweet Breads". I guess if you're a fan of Hannibal Lector movies, you know that means brains (or technically, glands in the brains). Now I'm just not going there. But my friend Leslie seems to be a woman up for adventure, and she was willing to give it a try.
Fortunately for me, she gave them a try when I was not with her. Because while I'm willing to be fairly adventurous when it comes to food, I have some bone crunching memories from childhood. And I do mean bone crunching. I grew up in New Orleans, where people love to eat crawfish. And it's a big joke around there, that you "suck the head and eat the tail". I never could stomach sucking out the head content of a crawfish. I did try it a few times, but sexual innuendo aside, it just don't taste good.
But back to the bone crunching. My momma, bless her heart, loves to crack open chicken bones and suck out the marrow. She's done this as long as I've known her. At some point, I think around age 13, I realized this was really disgusting to me, and I promptly announced that I was becoming a vegetarian. This actually lasted for quite a long time, until I realized that I really missed eating seafood, and so it was back to crawfish, and shrimp, and other creatures of the sea.
But not brains. And despite my friend Leslie's many charming features, I just don't get it. So when we went to Limone's 2 nights ago, she and our waiter friend had a nice conversation about "Sweet breads". And by the way, did you know that our local organic grocery store carries sweet breads now, so you can have them any time you want. And they also carry tongue and North Carolina oysters. Do you have any idea what those are? Talk about sexual innuendos!
Fortunately for me, she gave them a try when I was not with her. Because while I'm willing to be fairly adventurous when it comes to food, I have some bone crunching memories from childhood. And I do mean bone crunching. I grew up in New Orleans, where people love to eat crawfish. And it's a big joke around there, that you "suck the head and eat the tail". I never could stomach sucking out the head content of a crawfish. I did try it a few times, but sexual innuendo aside, it just don't taste good.
But back to the bone crunching. My momma, bless her heart, loves to crack open chicken bones and suck out the marrow. She's done this as long as I've known her. At some point, I think around age 13, I realized this was really disgusting to me, and I promptly announced that I was becoming a vegetarian. This actually lasted for quite a long time, until I realized that I really missed eating seafood, and so it was back to crawfish, and shrimp, and other creatures of the sea.
But not brains. And despite my friend Leslie's many charming features, I just don't get it. So when we went to Limone's 2 nights ago, she and our waiter friend had a nice conversation about "Sweet breads". And by the way, did you know that our local organic grocery store carries sweet breads now, so you can have them any time you want. And they also carry tongue and North Carolina oysters. Do you have any idea what those are? Talk about sexual innuendos!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Did You Know Spackling Comes in Purple?
So here we are, opening our new facility, and everything is a little behind the opening date. I've worked in plenty of companies and always heard that line, "we're set to be finished construction in April", and then it's not done until September of the next year, and now I totally get it! We opened June 1st, and we're just getting by. We have dogs stashed here and there, and running on an amazing crew of volunteers. It's put together with gum and spit. So I'm there one day, and the city inspector has finally decided to allow us to keep the wall we've constructed for the front office (and not make us tear it down), and it looks a little dismal. I volunteer to paint the wall. I show up to start painting, only to find, that over half the drywall hasn't been screwed in to the frame. Wow. Me, a carpenter?
Luckily I've got a power screwdriver, but after the incident last month of falling off of the ladder trying to get the kitty off of the roof of the garage, I'm not too inclined to get onto a ladder and start screwing in a wall. Which, by the way, did you know that cats are perfectly able to get themselves down if they got themselves up there in the first place? It hurt pretty good falling off of that ladder. My elbow and shoulder still hurt from hitting the concrete driveway.
So thank God for other volunteers. Sarah's husband does some screwing in of screws, and I take a whole day spackling. I get to enjoy one dog bark the whole time. She misses her mommy who is in Ethiopia adopting a baby. I feel bad for her and give her a pet. I love volunteering and I love animal rescue. I think how can anyone abandon their pet? I returned a call from our hotline recently from a woman who took in a stray dog even though she's not allowed to have pets according to her lease. That was a year ago. Her landlord drove by 2 days ago, saw the dog in the yard and said get rid of the dog or move. He gave her 2 days. I asked if she could pay the landlord a pet deposit. She said the landlord said no, the dog had to go. I said we could probably help in 2 weeks, were there friends, family, coworkers, someone, who could keep her dog, that she claimed to love, for 2 weeks, until we can probably help. No, there was no one. I suggest that she could move to a pet friendly rental, which in this town there are plenty of. She said, get this, "I'm not moving because of a dog!" very indignantly.
So at some point I run out of spackling and leave for the day. I go back the next day and stop by Walmart and buy more. I get there and start spackling only to find that it's purple! Did you know spackling comes in purple? It looks really weird. And since we're painting the wall white, I'm hoping it won't make a difference. But I'm just happy to be there. I'm happy that our dog (and now cat) rescue has been so successful, and that we're opening up a place that we can have more space, and now a commercial business. So check it out folks! http://www.petsouppetservices.com/ even though the wall isn't finished yet :)
Luckily I've got a power screwdriver, but after the incident last month of falling off of the ladder trying to get the kitty off of the roof of the garage, I'm not too inclined to get onto a ladder and start screwing in a wall. Which, by the way, did you know that cats are perfectly able to get themselves down if they got themselves up there in the first place? It hurt pretty good falling off of that ladder. My elbow and shoulder still hurt from hitting the concrete driveway.
So thank God for other volunteers. Sarah's husband does some screwing in of screws, and I take a whole day spackling. I get to enjoy one dog bark the whole time. She misses her mommy who is in Ethiopia adopting a baby. I feel bad for her and give her a pet. I love volunteering and I love animal rescue. I think how can anyone abandon their pet? I returned a call from our hotline recently from a woman who took in a stray dog even though she's not allowed to have pets according to her lease. That was a year ago. Her landlord drove by 2 days ago, saw the dog in the yard and said get rid of the dog or move. He gave her 2 days. I asked if she could pay the landlord a pet deposit. She said the landlord said no, the dog had to go. I said we could probably help in 2 weeks, were there friends, family, coworkers, someone, who could keep her dog, that she claimed to love, for 2 weeks, until we can probably help. No, there was no one. I suggest that she could move to a pet friendly rental, which in this town there are plenty of. She said, get this, "I'm not moving because of a dog!" very indignantly.
So at some point I run out of spackling and leave for the day. I go back the next day and stop by Walmart and buy more. I get there and start spackling only to find that it's purple! Did you know spackling comes in purple? It looks really weird. And since we're painting the wall white, I'm hoping it won't make a difference. But I'm just happy to be there. I'm happy that our dog (and now cat) rescue has been so successful, and that we're opening up a place that we can have more space, and now a commercial business. So check it out folks! http://www.petsouppetservices.com/ even though the wall isn't finished yet :)
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